Advice from Our Agony Aunt, Mary Fenwick, to Help You Navigate Being a Single Person.
My friend, who until recently was the last single person in our group, has started dating someone, making me the only single person I know. She said I should lower my criteria for potential partners, and even my mum thinks I’m too fussy. I find these comments insulting, as if they’re saying I should settle for anyone. I desperately want to find someone, but I don’t think I should settle for second best. What should I do?
Mary’s Advice on Embracing Life as a Single Person
Your letter struck me deeply as I reflected on my own experiences. Recently, I flew across the world and skipped the anniversary of my husband’s passing. The following days brought jetlag and early morning awakenings, allowing me to watch the daily miracle of sunrise. Your question lingered in my mind, and I kept asking myself: “Would this experience be better if I was sharing it with someone else?”
My answer is no. It might have been different, but not necessarily better. Some of the loneliest moments of my life were spent in bad relationships or when I forgot what truly mattered to me. Often, these two things go hand in hand.
Redefine Yourself Beyond Being a Single Person
This is a golden opportunity to explore what matters to you—not just as a single person but as a whole, vibrant individual. The world doesn’t need you to conform to someone else’s idea of happiness or fulfillment.
Your friend and mother may mean well, but their definitions of you are not the ultimate truth. You have the right to be as selective and intentional as you like when it comes to choosing a partner. Settling for less isn’t the solution.
Celebrate Being a Single Person with Tiny, Fun Steps
Instead of focusing solely on finding a partner, try embracing this time to nurture yourself and your interests. Commit to one small, fun, new activity every day. Whether it’s trying a different coffee, learning a new skill, or simply taking a walk in a new place, these tiny adventures can bring joy and help you rediscover what makes you happy.
Remember, being a single person isn’t a flaw or something to “fix.” It’s an opportunity to grow, thrive, and define your life on your own terms.
You’re not just the only single person you know—you’re also a whole, amazing person in your own right.
Final Thought
Don’t let anyone else’s timeline or expectations define your life. Use this time to build a deeper connection with yourself and embrace the joys of being a single person. Who you are and what you want matters, and the right person will appreciate you for it.
Let’s watch this space and see where your self-discovery leads!
